love-hate relationship

we are our greatest obstacle.

“only with kindness will there be peace.” - yannick nézet-séguin

“hey, what’s your wish for 2026?” i turned to my left and asked my cousin as we watched the fireworks together outside the victoria concert hall.

“to have more choices in uni.”

a pause followed. “i actually don’t have an answer,” i broke the silence.

every year, i would find myself having a list of things i wanted to accomplish in the new year, just like how most people would with a new year’s resolution. this time, however, my mind drew a blank. this time, i felt like i just wanted to get by, hoping that minimal issues would come my way.

today, i attended the live broadcast of the 2026 vienna philharmonic new year's concert, and needless to say, it was spectacular (although it would have been even better if we were there in person). my attention was captured from the very beginning, and each piece played felt like a depth of emotions that i could not put into words. come to think of it, my interest/love for orchestras and classical music was brought back to life since the start of 2025. it had all started because my cousin was looking for a concert buddy, and i was available that day after work. i was glad that i had no plans that day.

the conductor (yannick) of today’s new year’s concert was able to weave soul into the pieces played today, and bring out the fullest potential of each musician onstage. i watched them play in unison and was in awe by how all the instruments could come together so harmoniously, as if they were communicating with one another. i saw 2 cellists make eye contact for a split second and smile, a sign that they were enjoying themselves and were actually invested in playing. it was a heartwarming moment, where in the midst of all the deep concentration, it felt like a breath of fresh air, reassuring each other that they were doing well.

yannick then ended off by saying that we needed to be kind in order to have peace, and i could not have agreed more. oftentimes, we are aware of the effects of our actions and words on others, hence we put in more effort to be more accepting and tolerant of differences and mistakes we have. as we grow up, we become more exposed to how harsh reality can be, and we become more kind to others as a result. it makes the world a better place, one smile at a time.

but, when do we ever do this for ourselves? sure, we can be the kindest person in the room in others’ eyes, but are we kind enough to ourselves? when was the last time you gave yourself a pat on the back for all the hard work that you have put in, instead of berating yourself for every minor slip that you committed? i once heard someone say, “if you were to talk to others the way you talk to yourself, you might just end up alone most of the time.” and it is true. we are almost always our worst critic, the one who is inherently biased against ourselves. no matter how good the situation might be, we see the negative parts of it, and hyperfocus on them. we tell ourselves that it is for our own good, for the sake of growth. but, is there no other kinder way to have the same effect?

coming into the new year, i have become slightly afraid of making plans for the future. however, if there was one hope that i have, it is for me to treat myself with more kindness, more tolerance, and more graciousness. maybe then, would i be able to sit with myself more comfortably, without feeling the need to constantly blame myself for every single mishap that happens. maybe then, would i feel more inner peace, and have faith that i am where i need to be. and maybe then, would i be able to love myself again.